


Park Seonghwa’s Guide on How to Destroy Choi San

by iNyomYuta



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Cheating, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peer Pressure, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Seonghwa is mean, Sexual Content, Smoking, not edited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iNyomYuta/pseuds/iNyomYuta
Summary: Seonghwa needs to make Hongjoong his boyfriend before San gets the chance to confess. His idea on how to not give San the chance? Make San destroy himself. Make San the embodiment of what Kim Hongjoong hates.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Kim Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

Choi San was completely hopeless.

Hopelessly in love with Kim Hongjoong for as long as he can remember.

San moved from Gyeongsan to Gyeonggi-do when he was 7 and met Hongjoong on the playground of his elementary school.

Hongjoong was a year older and enjoyed hiding in a tube that connected two playgrounds and that’s how he and San had met.

San runs up the playground stairs and heads towards the tube but stops when he sees someone blocking the entrance.

“Can I get through?” San bends down, a small pout forming. “No,” The kid in the way, Hongjoong, replies simply.

“But I wanna explore the whole playground!” San pouts, now plopping down. San always needed to have things go his way or he sits and pouts around.

“So? I was here first,” Hongjoong shrugs. “C-Can I at least sit with you then? The sun is bright,” San looks at Hongjoong hopefully.

“...Fine,” Hongjoong moves over and allows San to crawl in and sit.

“I’m Choi San! Everyone calls me Sannie,” San says proudly.

“Kim Hongjoong. What grade are you in?”

“I’m in second grade!”

“I’m in third grade.”

“Okay! So, what do you like to do? I like to do taekwondo!”

And from then on, Hongjoong was stuck with a very energetic San.

San looked up to Hongjoong as the years went by. 

They did everything together and San was by Hongjoong’s side for every achievement and every failure. 

Always ready to congratulate him or ready to let Hongjoong know he did his best and was always going to be proud of him.

San realized he was in love with Hongjoong when he was 13. They were sitting on Hongjoong’s bed, peacefully studying together.

They were in two different grades but it was nice and calming to just be with each other. 

“Hyung, can you help me with this one?” San pokes him gently with the eraser of his pencil. “I don’t get it.”

“Of course,” Hongjoong moves over and helps him out, making sure to explain everything and checking to make sure San understood everything.

“Okay, got it?” Hongjoong looks at San and San can’t seem to turn his eyes away. Just something about Hongjoong today just made San’s heart swell up.

He didn’t understand it. San was so confused by the feelings he felt. It was like he wanted to hold Hongjoong close and never let go. 

“You okay?” Hongjoong says again, frowning a little. “Oh- Oh yeah, I’m fine hyung. Thank you for explaining.”

“You’re welcome, Sannie,” Hongjoong flashes him a smile and turns back to his textbook.

San melts right there and his chest tightens a little as he continues to stare at Hongjoong silently in awe.

Hongjoong’s mom walked in later to let them know that San’s grandmother had called and wanted him home for dinner.

San walked home crying in complete confusion. The feelings were scary and overwhelming. He’s never felt like this towards anyone before. 

“W-What does all of this m-mean?” San sobs in his grandmother’s arms. “San-ah, it’s nothing bad, I promise you. It’s the way you feel when you love someone.”

“B-But he’s my f-friend! I-I can’t love him...”

“Oh, don’t be so silly. Your grandfather and I were best friends in high school and now look at us! It’s okay to love Hongjoong. But, you have to be careful, San-ah. There’s always that 50/50 chance of what could happen if you confess your love for him. You two have been friends for years.”

“I-I know...”

San’s grandmother lied to him that day. It wasn’t okay for San to love Hongjoong the way he did.

In San’s first year of high school and Hongjoong’s second year, San and Hongjoong’s duo expanded to a group of 7.

San had never been happier with his friends and his love for Hongjoong had only grew and while he never confessed, he was okay.

Until their group turned into 8 in during their college years.

Park Seonghwa was a god in human form.

He was the perfect guy. Perfect skin, perfect smile, perfect voice, perfect body, everything was so perfect about him that even San wondered if this man has flaws.

San thought he was perfect too. 

“San-ah, can I walk to class with you?” Seonghwa walks over to San outside their class building and San nods.

“Yeah of course!” San waits by the door for Seonghwa and his friends wave him bye.

Seonghwa walks over to San and they start walking, the hallways already emptying out and San’s a little afraid they’re gonna be late.

“So, what’s-“ San squeaks when Seonghwa shoves him into a janitor’s closet.

“Hey- What are you- Hmph-“ Seonghwa  
covers San’s mouth quickly.

“I see the way you look at him, San,” San makes a confused muffled noise, eyes wide. 

“You love Hongjoong, don’t you?” Seonghwa laughs a little, “You’re pathetic. You really think he’ll ever love someone like you?”

San’s throat tightens. San would never confess but he was hopeful that one day, he would have a chance.

“You’re absolutely nothing compared to me. I’m everything Hongjoong wants and what are you?” Seonghwa’s voice gets lower and becomes almost like a mock to San.

“You don’t have the looks. You sure as hell don’t have the personality either so what would he like about you?” He laughs and San shuts his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

“Aw, you’re gonna cry? So pathetic, my god,” Seonghwa backs away. “Don’t tell anyone about this,” He leaves to his class just as the bell rings.

San slides down the wall slowly, hearing his phone that was now staring to buzz with text messages.

He brings his knees up to his chest, letting Seonghwa’s words sink in. Was San really all that bad compared to Seonghwa?

San liked to think he was good looking and had a good personality, he cared about others and was always willing to help. Always cheerful and happy.

San cries for a couple minutes, his self esteem lowering but it’s nothing too severe. It’s nothing a few pep talks from a friend could fix.

San was wrong.

He couldn’t fix his self esteem at all.

He couldn’t do anything as long as Seonghwa was around and Seonghwa made it clear he was going nowhere.

Park Seonghwa is the reason for Choi San’s self destruction.


	2. Chapter 2

Hongjoong walked to class alone as he didn’t share a class with any of his friends.

He gets to class and sits down, taking his phone out to pass some time before the teacher walked in.

[8 against the world GC!]

hongjoong: im alr bored and miss u

mingi: omg hongjoong misses me 🥺

yeosang: no he misses me!!!

The chat fills up with everyone fighting for who Hongjoong misses making him smile but his smile falls when San doesn’t take part in it.

San was always first to text whenever Hongjoong sent something so it was a little odd to not see his name in the chat.

seonghwa<3: he misses me obviously 😘

yunho: no me me me me he shared his lunch with me today so in conclusion i win

hongjoong: yunho u literally forgot ur lunch at home 

jongho: since i am the youngest and the favorite he is clearly talking about me so in conclusion hongjoong loves me only!!!! u all Suck!!!!!

wooyoung: cant argue w that

hongjoong: i miss all of u heheheh

Hongjoong’s smile drops again when he still doesn’t see a text from San. He scrolls up to check to see if he missed it but nope. 

Nothing.

“Okay, class. Attention up here!” Hongjoong slips his phone into his pocket.

Hongjoong ends up deep in thoughts 5 minutes into class. He kept remembering that San hadn’t responded to his message in the groupchat.

Surely it wasn’t a big deal but he couldn’t help but worry. San was always attached to his phone.

[Personal chat with K. Yeosang]

hongjoong: hey yeosang is san w u?

yeosang: mmm nope thats weird he said we was going to class with seonghwa only seonghwa is here

hongjoong: alrighty thanks mwah

[Personal chat with P. Seonghwa]

hongjoong: hey what happened to san? hes not in class?

seonghwa<3: he said he had to go to the bathroom and hasnt showed up since

hongjoong: oh okay thanks

seonghwa<3: no problem buttercup

Hongjoong’s cheeks burn at the petname and he slips his phone away again, forcing himself to pay attention to class but winds up spacing out again.

This time, it’s memories of him and San. Hongjoong’s brain tended to do this whenever he was worried about San.

Once in 5th grade, San was out of school for a week because he had gotten sick. 

Hongjoong was beyond miserable and all he did was sit in the tube and think about fun conversations and ‘playdates’ he had with the younger.

“Hyung, hyung! Guess what I did over the weekend!! Move over,” San giggles, pushing Hongjoong who smiles and moves over, making a space for San.

“What did you do, Sannie?”

“I went to visit my cousins in Busan!! It was really cool and we got to play in the park and then we went to this restaurant and the food was really good!” San presses his side into Hongjoong’s, resting his head on his shoulder.

It would be a super uncomfortable position but the tube was large enough for San to do this comfortablely. Plus, San was extra flexible.

“What about you? What did you do?” San hums. “I just stood home and watched the rain! The rain was very nice.”

“Ooo~” San giggles, “That’s cool! Rain is annoying sometimes but it smells nice when it’s done.”

“It smells like condensation and cloud.”

“How do you know what clouds smell like??”

Hongjoong laughs, nudging San playfully which makes the younger laugh too.

Hongjoong holds back a laugh when he snaps out of his daydream. 

He checks his phone again to see if he’s gotten any word from San. Still, nothing.

He frowns and sighs. Work. Hongjoong needs to work.

He clicks his pen and begins writing down math problems, filling in the bubbles.

Hongjoong slowly starts spacing out again, worry bubbling up but he drags himself out.

San is fine... Hongjoong thinks. But, it’s odd of him to skip class too...

He falls deep into another daydream; another memory.

Hongjoong walks into his home after a long day of school. He didn’t get to walk home with San since San had disappeared mid day. 

San could never make it through the entire middle school day. Hongjoong knew there was stuff going on that he didn’t know about since San was starting to become a little more reserved. 

Again, odd of him.

He heads into his room, placing his books down onto his desk and getting ready to study when he hears a knock at his window.

Hongjoong flinches at the sudden noise, going over and pulling his curtain back. San.

“Can I come in, hyung?” San’s voice is muffled but can still be understood and Hongjoong pushes the window up, letting the younger instead.

“You only come through the window when you’re sad. What’s the matter?” Hongjoong speaks quietly, sitting down at the end of his bed and motioning for San to sit.

“I’m just so stressed, Hongjoong hyung,” San mutters, shoulders hunched and head hung low. “M-My grades aren’t the best and I don’t even know what to do... And the kids in my class aren’t any help either...”

“What do you mean by that?”

“They’re really mean and I-I tried telling my teacher but they didn’t do anything about it...” San’s voice sounds a little more strained and it makes Hongjoong frown.

“Oh, Sannie. I’m sorry,” He says softly and San lets out the smallest of sobs, the wall he had slowly crumbling down. 

“I-I just wanna do good but I-I can’t. How do I make them stop, h-hyung?” Hongjoong tsks and brings San into his arms, holding him close. 

“Shh, don’t worry. Hyung will try his best to take care of it for you. Okay? Don’t worry, you’re doing so good. I understand things are hard but I promise I will always be here for you,” He presses a gentle kiss to San’s forehead who snuggles into him more.

“T-Thank you, hyung... I-I needed that,” San mumbles.

“Of course. Now, wanna just watch videos?” Hongjoong hums, grabbing his laptop. “But don’t you have tests?”

“Oh whatever. I wanna cheer you up first, cmon,” He lays down and drags San with him, placing the laptop between them so they can watch.

They spend the rest of the day watching videos and laughing until San had fallen asleep curled into Hongjoong’s side, hugging him gently.

Hongjoong slowly and quietly moves the laptop onto his nightstand, the room now darker but enough to make everything out.

He peers down at his best friend and sighs softly, reaching out and caressing his cheek gently.

San lets out a heavy breath, stirring just a little and bringing Hongjoong closer.

Hongjoong couldn’t remember the last time San had cuddled Hongjoong like this. 

The last time had to have been two to three years ago and it was during their first sleepover and San had gotten a nightmare.

Hongjoong just shakes his head, deciding to just enjoy the moment and slowly drifts off to sleep.

The bell ringing is what snaps Hongjoong out of his memory daydream and he quickly packs up and heads out the door. Just a few more classes left.

He roams the hallways, searching for San who he catches leaving the... janitor’s closet...?

“Sannie! What were you doing in there?” Hongjoong blinks when he runs over to him.

“I didn’t feel like going to class,” San sighs, “You walking with me?”

Hongjoong nods, “As always~”

They walk to class together and San feels watched as Hongjoong strikes up a conversation with him. 

San pushes off the odd feeling and focuses on his best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for smoking (pressured smoking) and threats for physical bullying.

seonghwa: come to school early tomorrow. i want to talk to you.

San turns his phone off, exhaling shakily. He looks at the clock by his front door which was ticking quietly.

He adjusts his tie and leaves way before anyone in his family awake. San sticks his earbuds in his ears, turning the music up and walking to school.

What could Seonghwa want from him today?

It’s been two weeks since Seonghwa’s torment began and San was already losing a grip on himself. He so desperately wanted to tell someone what was going but Seonghwa was horrifying to him.

San reaches the building, Seonghwa right there. 

“H-Hi hyung,” San greets softly, praying that the nice greeting would spare him some. “Nice of you to show up,” Seonghwa grumbles.

“How’s you and Hongjoong doing?” Seonghwa leans on the school.

“W-We’re fine... He helped me with h-homework last night...”

Seonghwa laughs. “And you cuddled after, right? Made you feel nice and safe?” San’s eyes widen.

How did San know he and Hongjoong had cuddled? “H-How did you...”

“I told you to cut the physical contact.”

“I-I’m sorry, h-he asked and I couldn’t say no...”

“Guess I’ll have to get meaner. You know, Hongjoong hates smokers right? The smell makes him sick,” Seonghwa pulls out a pack and a lighter.

“S-Seonghwa...” San says slowly, shaking his head in disbelief.

“He won’t dare to ask again if you smell like cigarettes,” He hums, unwrapping the pack.

“Don’t do this, please I-I won’t touch him again, please,” He panics. Not only would Hongjoong stay away from San, San’s parents would straight disown him.

“Shut the fuck up and open your mouth,” Seonghwa holds the cigarette in his hand and San shakes his head faster.

“N-No. I-I can’t.”

“Open your mouth or I’ll beat your ass, Choi,” Seonghwa growls and San quickly obeys, letting Seonghwa stick the cigarette in his mouth and he closes his lips around it.

“Exactly how they do it on tv. Inhale, take it away, exhale. Go,” Seonghwa lights it and tears San didn’t even know he was holding in slip down his face as he inhales.

Seonghwa snaps a picture of him and he pulls it out of his mouth, coughing as the smoke came from his mouth. His lungs and throat burn as he coughs harder.

“Good job, your first cigarette. And certainly not your last. Finish it off.”

San sobs, bringing it back to his lips.

Just as the school doors open, San crushes the cigarette under his boot. The smell of smoke all he can smell.

Seonghwa sticks the lighter and pack in San’s backpack. “Smoke when you wake up, after lunch in the bathroom, after dinner, and before you sleep. You’ll get into your own personal schedule after the nicotine addiction sets in.”

San nods obdiently, eyes watering again. “Cut the tears, you idiot. Get to class, the others will be here soon.”

San nods again, disappearing into the building.

He takes a seat at the table his whole friend group sat at before the first period bell rang. after stopping in the bathroom to spray himself down in cologne.

He could still smell the cigarette.

The others come in one by one, all having a pretty good morning.

“Hey Sannie~ You’re here early!”

San nods, “I left something in my locker so I came early.”

“Ah, okay~ You and Hongjoong didn’t get on for games last night.”

“Yeah, sorry. He was helping me with homework yesterday,” San giggles and Mingi laughs, nodding. “Get on tonight, then!”

“Of course!” Mingi could always make San smile.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa come in last, talking happily as they sit. “It smells like cigarettes,” Hongjoong groans as he sits.

“True,” Seonghwa hums. “San, is that you who smells like that?” Hongjoong squints at him.

“Sorry, m-my uncle is in town and he dropped me off this morning and he smokes a lot,” San nods and the others nod in understanding. While that is a lie, San’s uncle was a heavy smoker and they all knew that. 

Seonghwa flashes San a smirk and he flinches a little, looking to his homework.

Yunho catches Seonghwa’s smirk and San’s flinches. Something isn’t right here.

He makes a mental note to ask San about it on the way to class.

San rushes out when it’s time for class, Yunho following quickly. “Sannie, what was that about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Seonghwa smirked at you after you said you were with your uncle.”

“He did? Didn’t notice...” San hums, shrugging. “San, are you lying to me?”

“Of course not,” He scoffs.

“Okay...”

They get to class and take their seats.

The day goes by slow and even slower during lunch. San tries to eat as slow as possible to avoid having to go to the bathroom.

Seonghwa just kept laughing to himself every time he saw San take a slow bite.

San finishes his food about 15 minutes before it ends. He thinks he’ll get out of it but Seonghwa delivers a rough kick to his leg.

San grunts quietly, bending to rub his shin. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just hit my leg on the table,” He winces, grabbing the pack and lighter from his bag.

“I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be back,” He walks away. 

Seonghwa smirks again as he brings his soda up to his lips and Yunho catches it again. 

What does Seonghwa and San know that Yunho (and the others) don’t?

San paces around the bathroom, hands shaking. San wasn’t going to smoke. No way in hell. He can’t let himself get addicted just because of Seonghwa and his stupid-

He yelps when Seonghwa walks in, locking the door behind him. “I knew it,” He leans against the door.

“Glad I came. What are you waiting for?” He looks at the pack and then at San.

“I can’t do this...”

“You did it earlier. Now, do it again. You don’t want me to hit you, do you?” San shakes his head.

“Then, do it,” He snaps.

San’s shaky hands open the pack and he sticks the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it.

He couldn’t believe he was letting Seonghwa do this to him.

Time passes again and the cigarette is close to done and Seonghwa holds out an ashtray. How did he even bring that in here?

“Put it out,” San does so, eyes watering up again. “Yours to keep. Have fun trying to hide it.”

San puts the cover on it and shoves it into his pocket, leaving back to the table and Seonghwa leaves after.

“It smells like smoke again.”

“Smokers in the bathroom,” Seonghwa says, sitting down.

“Ah. Forgot we have a lot of those. I hate them.”

San’s eyes fill up with tears. If he continues to disobey Seonghwa’s rules, San’s going to become the definition of everything Hongjoong hates and San just wants to be everything Hongjoong loves.

San suddenly feels sick to his stomach at the thought of that. Is this what he really gets for loving Hongjoong? Where did he go wrong in a past life that the gods decided to throw this at him?

He shakily grabs his water and drinks, hands trembling and putting it down after as he and Seonghwa make eye contact.

Seonghwa chuckles a little, shaking his head in amusement.

Yunho at the end of the table frowns and just before Yeosang who was sitting next to him can question anything...

The bell rings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning of a physical fight and blood. yup.

The others weren’t getting suspicious of what San and Seonghwa were doing during lunch or why San always had the faint scent of cigarette smoke on him.

San constantly blamed the smoke on his uncle. They believed it.

Seonghwa has been forcing San to smoke multiple times a day for the past two weeks now. 

Seonghwa was going to extreme lengths of even facetiming San when Seonghwa couldn’t watch him to make sure he smoked.

“San-ah!” Yunho runs up to him and he holds in a groan. He didn’t want Yunho to ask questions that San wanted to but couldn’t answer.

San was convinced Seonghwa was always watching or listening in.

“What the hell is going on between you and Seonghwa?” Yunho pants a little. “Nothing, Yun.”

“Oh come on. Are you two a thing or something?”

San sends him a glare. “I’m offended you’d think I’d ever date someone like that,” San’s eyes widen a little. Did that give too much away?

“Oh please, he’s god tier. But whateva~ So, what’s going?”

“Nothing, Yunho. I’m serious,” He looks around for any sign of Seonghwa but he can’t see him. And he doesn’t feel watched.

“Sannie, it’s written all over your face that something’s up. You know you can tell me anything, right?” They turn the corner onto San’s street.

“I know...” He says softly. “Okay well then, let’s talk.”

“Please drop it...” San gets to his house, unlocking the door. “I’ll just stay over then,” Yunho sneaks past San who just sighs.

Yunho and San have known each other since they were babies as their parents were childhood friends and visited each other often, they never really got close until high school.

“Your parents are gonna be mad,” San sighs. “Never, they love when I hang out with you,” Yunho snickers. “Hi, Mr and Mrs. Choi!!” Yunho waves to San’s parents happily. “Can I stay the night? It’s a friday too~”

“Of course. Should we call your parents to let them know?”

“Yes, please!” Yunho smiles brightly and drags San off to his room, pushing him in and closing the door and his face becomes serious.

“Let’s talk. C’mon.”

“Can I at least shower first-” He mumbles. “Fiiine, stop stalling,” Yunho flops onto San’s bed as San disappears into the bathroom.

Yunho sits back up as he looks at San’s backpack. Something was sticking out of the side, it was cyan colored and had a sleek finish.

He reaches over and pulls out, frowning. A lighter. His face falls as he quickly opens the bag, looking at the bathroom before the bag.

He moves San’s books and his heart drops at the pack of cigarettes. “Fuck,” He sighs, quickly putting the lighter back in and zipping the bag.

Is this what Seonghwa and San was sharing between them? Could Seonghwa be encouraging this? Is that what the smirks were for?

San comes back from the bathroom, drying his hair. He closes his blinds and curtains.

“San, why do you have cigarettes and a lighter in your back,” Yunho says quietly and slowly and San flinches.

“Y-You went through my bag?”

“San...” Yunho says in disbelief.

“It’s not what you think...”

“How long?” Yunho stares at him. “Y-Yunho.”

“San,” Yunho’s voice drops and he flinches. “How long.”

“J-Just two weeks.”

“You’re quitting,” Yunho goes back to his bag.

“I-I can’t...” San stops him, placing his hands on his chest. “What do you mean you can’t? You can quit and you’re going to.”

“Yunho,” San says louder, eyes watering up. “I can’t quit...” His voice shakes, looking up at him.

“Sannie, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

San bites his lip, taking Yunho to the bathroom and closing the door. “Huh?”

“I’m only gonna say this once. And you can’t tell anyone or say anything about this,” San says quietly and Yunho gives him his full attention.

“Seonghwa is making me smoke so Hongjoong doesn’t want to come near me anymore,” San’s heart beats faster. What if Seonghwa was listening in somehow.

“He’s what?? San-“

“Shhh. Quiet down. He... Seonghwa doesn’t want me near Hongjoong at all because he wants Hongjoong to himself and sees me as a threat...” San’s eyes water up as he wraps his arms around himself. 

He missed Hongjoong. His touch, his smile when San cuddles into him. 

Seonghwa took it away from him.

“I-I miss hyung...” San sobs out once, breaking down and Yunho’s heart sinks again. “I-I miss him s-so much, Y-Yunho...” Yunho tsks and brings San into his embrace, holding him close.

“Is this all Seonghwa’s doing to you, Sannie?” Yunho whispers, stroking his head.

A scene that happened about three weeks ago between San and Seonghwa suddenly plays in San’s head. 

San collapses to the ground as Seonghwa punched him in the mouth. The metallic taste of blood fills up in his mouth. He sobs, coughing as he spits it out. “You’re crying? Really?” Seonghwa laughs, getting on top of him.

“N-No- P-Please stop,” San cries and Seonghwa laughs again, lifting his hand up and San lets out a scream of fear, begging. 

San hurt all over. Seonghwa had been beating him behind the school for a few minutes but Seonghwa was strong. And angry.

Seonghwa couldn’t really bruise San in the face; too much of a risk. San could already feel his torso bruising and he had bit his lip harshly, causing the blood.

Seonghwa had caught San getting a little too close to Hongjoong in between classes and now San was to pay the price.

“I-I didn’t mean to, please... I’m so sorry...” San sobs and Seonghwa brings his fist right across his face and San’s vision blurs at the force.

He can barely make out Seonghwa above him, a sadistic smile gracing the older’s lips, however. “Aw, does our little Sannie feel faint?” Seonghwa wraps his hands around his throat and San sputters, blood landing on Seonghwa’s face.

San only had one thought on his mind. Seonghwa was going to kill him.

“If I ever see you touch Hongjoong again, this is only gonna get worse. Trust me,” He lets go and kicks him in the ribs and black spots fill his vision.

San just lays there and accepts it, passing out.

He wakes up to rain. 

A downpour. 

San woke up with a cold the next day.

“He only makes me smoke and reminds me to stay away from Hongjoong... That’s it...” San sniffles as Yunho picks him up, wrapping San’s legs around his waist and San naturally wraps his arms around his neck.

“If anything changes, you tell me, yeah?” San nods again. “I won’t say anything but you have to try and quit. Start faking it.”

“I’ll try, Yun...” Yunho nods, pressing small kisses to San’s neck and shoulder. “Good. I love you, Sannie. You know that, right? We all do.”

San nods, “I love you too,” He mumbles.

San falls asleep and stays asleep for the first time in weeks. 

He felt safe. 

But it wasn’t in Hongjoong’s arms.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major trigger warning for implied forced self harm at the end of this chapter. nothing graphic. read at your own risk.

A month has passed.

Everyone but Hongjoong knew San was constantly disappearing to smoke. 

They didn’t really mean to find out. 

Jongho found San smoking in the bathroom, Wooyoung caught San buying cigarettes from the corner store, Yeosang and Mingi both caught San at a local park after hours.

They were all disappointed but San promised he would stop soon.

But you can’t just stop an addiction like that.

“Hey guys!” Hongjoong bounces over to their small morning group, Seonghwa right next to him.

“Hey hyung. You’re in a good mood~” Yeosang smiles. “Well, that is because~ Seonghwa and I are dating!” 

Yunho’s eyes immediately dart over to San and they both hold eye contact and Yunho quickly looks away.

San’s heart was absolutely broken. It was written all over his face but he couldn’t keep that there. He wasn’t in the mood for Seonghwa to threaten a beating.

He forces a bright smile on his face, congratulating his best friend happily. 

Yunho could see it in his eyes that San was shattered. He makes a mental note to comfort him later.

Seonghwa and Hongjoong share a small kiss between them and San starts rubbing his fingers together.

He needs to get out and get out of here now.

“Hey, my birthday party is this Saturday,” Wooyoong sparks up a new conversation. “Really? Wow-“

“Oh shut it- Anyway, I’m inviting a shit ton of people so I expect you guys to be there!” Wooyoung giggles and everyone nods.

“Of course!”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

Wooyoung’s eyes light up and he beams, now a little hyper and happy. 

Jongho at the end of the table sighs dreamily but stops when Mingi giggles at him.

The bell rings and San is the first to rush to class, Yunho following after just as fast.

“San-ah, come on,” Yunho takes hold of his wrist. “W-Wha-“

“Come on,” He drags him into a bathroom, locking the door. “We need to talk.”

“A-About?” San fiddles with the lighter in his hands, looking at Yunho for confirmation who just sighs and nods.

San places the cigarette between his lips,  
lighting it.

“Seonghwa leaving you alone recently?”

“No,” San mumbles, “He said he won’t stop until- Nevermind.”

“What?” Yunho stands up straighter. “Nothing. He said nothing.”

“San, what aren’t you telling me?”

“For fuck’s sake Yunho! Just drop it!” San exclaims, making Yunho flinch. “God, why the fuck are you worrying about what Seonghwa has been doing to me?? It’s none of your business and you wouldn’t even know if you didn’t go through my damn bag.”

“San, I’m just worried is all...”

“Then quit your fucking worrying. I’m fine. As long as Hongjoong is happy with that bitch, I don’t care anymore,” Yunho frowns at San’s response.

“Not letting that bitch control me anymore. He got want he wanted, this is my issue now,” San taps the cigarette, letting flicks of ash fall to the ground.

Seonghwa smirks as his headphones play Yunho and San’s conversation in real time. 

Ah, the magic of tapping into phones, right?

“At least let us help.”

“No. I’ll work on it myself,” He snaps and Yunho sighs again.

“I’ll leave you here then. We love you and we’re always here for you. Remember that,” Yunho leaves the bathroom and San slides down the door after.

“God, I’m so fucked,” San laughs dryly and it even makes Seonghwa who is still listening in chuckle. 

San extinguishes the cigarette and tosses it into the trash, leaving to his class.

A few classes later, it was time for lunch.

San was walking there but he got grabbed and dragged into a closet. 

“HEY- Hmph-“ His mouth gets covered.

“You don’t care what I do to you anymore? Hm... That hurts my feelings... Doing all this work on you and you don’t care...” Seonghwa fake pouts and San’s eyes fill up with tears in fear.

“You’re such a cry baby,” He slaps the younger across the face. “Y-You got what you wanted... Please stop...”

“Oh, Sannie. Our precious little Sannie...” Seonghwa tsks, punching him in the stomach and San sobs, hunching over.

“I won’t stop,” Seonghwa hums, hitting San again and San collapses, crying harder as Seonghwa meets his eyes.

“I won’t stop until you have nothing left to live for. Until you’re all alone. Gonna break your little mind until you don’t even know who you are,” Seonghwa grabs his face. 

“S-Seonghwa... P-Please...” San struggles to make his words coherent with the tight grip on his face.

“You think everyone’s on your side now but just you wait, Sannie. Just you wait,” Seonghwa smirks and that’s the last thing San sees before he blacks out.

Seonghwa kicks San’s body over to the side and leaves, closing the door.

He practically skips to lunch, kissing his boyfriend happily when he gets there.

Yunho rolls his eyes and Wooyoung, Mingi, and Yeosang make a confused face. 

Jongho was too interested in Wooyoung’s face to realize.

“What is it?” Wooyoung mumbles. Yunho takes his phone out adding them 4 into a groupchat.

yunho: listen  
yunho: none of u can share this with hongjoong or seonghwa  
yunho: san would kill me

wooyoung: what’s going on?

jongho: what is this  
jongho: OH okay okay im focusing

mingi: gay ass stop staring at him

jongho: OMTNWKSKSK

yeosang: spill the beans bestie

yunho: seonghwa is the one who made san smoking and i think seonghwa is doing worse but san won’t tell me anything

The first thing that hit the boys was shock that was then replaced with anger.

“R-Really? I thought San had just...” Jongho whispers quietly and Yunho nods.

“Oh...”

“Can we do anything?”

“I think San’s too far gone in it to help...” Yunho frowns and they sigh.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa were off in their little world, kissing and rubbing their noses together and they all practically loses his appetite.

San woke up near of the day. There was dried blood on his face and his head pounded. 

He sits up slowly, his phone buzzing and he squints and grabs it.

15 missed texts from joongie<3  
23 missed texts from yunho  
1 missed text from seonghwa

...and 50 missed texts from Wooyoung.

San chuckles a little at the spam from Wooyoung who is freaking out over how San didn’t show up to English and they had a project together.

The 15 missed texts were from Hongjoong who just asking where he was.

San hesitates to open the one from Seonghwa, clicking it slowly.

seonghwa: check your bag when you get home and then call me.

He frowns, glancing at it. San grabs his bag and just rushes out, not wanting anyone to see him and question him.

San goes to his room, tossing his bag in the corner and washing his face clean of the blood.

In the amount of time it took him to get home, he knew school was out and Seonghwa would be on his way home.

So, he calls Seonghwa, his face appearing on the screen.

“Following the rules like a good little bitch,” Seonghwa hums, camera moving as he walks.

San just frowns to himself, opening the bag and looking through.

“What’s supposed to be- Oh...” San’s voice cracks as his eyes water again.

San holds the sharp object in his hand.

No. No no no no. No.

“You know what to do,” Seonghwa watches San’s face completely crumble, a hand flying up to his mouth, “This is your punishment for telling Yunho.”

“N-No... There’s no way... I-I can’t... Anything else but this...”

“Do it.”

And so, he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?  
> it gets worse before it gets better.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for sexual content. nothing in too much detail.

San lets out a sigh as he lets the sharp object drop into the sink.

It’s been two days since Seonghwa put the razor in San’s bag and while Seonghwa only made San do it once, San couldn’t seem to stop.

San liked the feeling of a stinging shower.

San sighs as he wraps his arms up in bandages and slips a long sleeved shirt on.

He rummages through his makeup collection he got as a joke from Hongjoong many birthdays ago. 

He never thought he would have to be using it but the more Seonghwa tormented San, the less San slept and ate.

San was getting paler and a little thinner and while Mingi out of all people has most definitely caught on, no one else has.

Mingi was incredibly protective of San, it was probably the height difference but Mingi was so worried now. He doesn’t even remember the last time he was so stressed over someone else.

If you thought Yunho was worried and protective over San, wait until you see how Mingi really acts.

mingi: hey, i’m coming to get you

San stares at his phone over, sighing and unlocking it.

san: alright just ring the bell when you get here

San stares in the mirror, smiling at himself. 

“You got this, Sannie. Just one party and you get to relax when you get home, okay?” He smiles brighter but it’s forced and his cheeks hurt, letting the smile fall.

“Oh who am I kidding,” He sighs, turning off the light and sitting on his bed and scrolling through his instagram feed.

It was filled of posts dedicated to Wooyoung and only occasionally did he see photos of Seonghwa and Hongjoong together but it put him through pain.

He turns his phone off and flops back onto his bed, staring at his ceiling.

There were small glow in the dark stars that he and Hongjoong put up. The memory of that day starts fading into his head before it gets interrupted.

“San-ah?” He flinches at Mingi’s voice and he sits up. “Hey, sorry, must of not have heard the bell. How’d you get in?”

“Your mom.”

“Ah.”

Mingi lays down next to him and they lay on their sides, facing each other.

“You okay, Sannie?” Mingi says softly, eyes running over his face, concerned. 

“Yeah, Mingi. I promise I’m okay, don’t worry so much. You’ll make yourself sick,” San chuckles and Mingi smiles a little.

“Okay, I’ll work on not worrying,” He giggles now and San giggles too.

Mingi’s eyes slowly trail down to San’s lips, staring at how red and bitten they were. 

He looks up from his lips and meets San’s eyes. They were close together.

Too close.

Mingi quickly gets up and San does the same. “Come on, let’s get going.”

And with that, they leave to Wooyoung’s party.

They got there just in time, there was already a good amount of people and all types of music playing at ungodly levels that San found himself shouting to talk to his friends.

Hongjoong was attached to Seonghwa’s hip. Wooyoung was already getting drunk; Yeosang and Yunho was filming Wooyoung and laughing. Jongho was talking some guy San didn’t even know.

Mingi had traveled off to go dance with people and left San alone.

San almost had to laugh as he leaned against a wall. 

This was like a coming of age movie where the main character leans against a wall from all the chaos and the love interest comes and scoops the main character away and happily ever fucking after.

Fuck happy endings because San’s love interest was too busy being infatuated with San’s own destructor. 

Someone nudges at his shoulder and he looks and is faced with Yeosang. “Hey,” He smiles and Yeosang smiles back, holding out a red cup.

“You look tense so I poured you a drink,” San takes it, knocking the alcohol back. “Thank you.”

“How have you been? I haven’t got to talk to you one on one in a while.”

“I’ve been okay, seen better days but,” Yeosang nods in understanding, “You?”

“Good, good,” He hums, hugging San gently who hugs back, confused. “You alright?”

“Mhm, just wanted a hug,” Yeosang giggles, walking away. San chuckles to himself, a little confused but doesn’t say much.

His eyes fall on Jongho and Wooyoung who now were very abruptly making out and San’s eyes widen. 

He makes a reminder to ask about that later.

He turns and sees Seonghwa and Hongjoong making out and he frowns, turning away.

Now, it felt like people were just rubbing it in and making San feel ridiculously lonely.

San scans the crowd, seeing if there was anyone San could replace that lonely feeling with but unfortunately, finding no one who caught his eye.

He walks to the kitchen and knocks back another drink. 

He really hopes that Mingi was gonna be sober to get them home.

San wasn’t drunk, of course. He still had about 90% control over his future actions but was definitely giggly.

Nothing good comes out of being shitfaced when you’re San.

San trips over something and catches himself, giggling to himself as he finds some bedroom.

He knew Wooyoung’s house like the back of his hand and this most definitely was one of the few guest rooms.

Wooyoung’s family did have money.

He closes the door and the music fades slightly and he sighs in relief, flopping onto the bed.

San closes his eyes, letting the music become background music for his thoughts.

His first thoughts are Hongjoong. He’s never missed someone so much. 

He and Hongjoong haven’t hung out alone for a while now. San could only be near Hongjoong if Seonghwa was near. 

He wonders if Hongjoong has caught on to everything happening. 

The door opens and San jumps, sitting up. 

San’s eyes widen and Hongjoong closes the door behind him.

Hongjoong doesn’t even say anything and San is too shocked to speak, locking the door and sitting next to him.

“A-Are you okay?” San looks around to see if there was anywhere Seonghwa could be watching or listening.

San quickly powers off his phone in his pocket. “We haven’t talked in a while so I was looking for you.”

“Oh,” San kinda feels bad. He literally has been avoiding Hongjoong as much as he could.

“Why are you avoiding me?” And there it was. The question that San was hoping wouldn’t leave Hongjoong’s beautiful lips.

“I’m not,” San mumbles, keeping his eyes on his jeans. “You are. You don’t talk to me anymore unless we’re with the others. Why are you doing this? Did I do something wrong?” San’s heart shatters.

“No, hyung. You haven’t done anything...” Hongjoong growls at the response and San gets genuinely scared until he gets knocked onto his back and Hongjoong’s on top of him.

Wait what. Hongjoong’s on top of him. 

“Do you know how much it hurts me? What you’re doing? Just for you to lie to my face? You went from coming to my house every fucking day to not even looking at me!” Hongjoong glares at him.

If only Hongjoong knew how much it hurt San to...

“I-I’m sorry...” San’s lips form a pout and Hongjoong sighs and San can smell the faint scent of alcohol. Of course, Hongjoong only got this bold when he had drunk.

San locks eyes with Hongjoong and Hongjoong’s face softens, reaching and gently rubbing San’s cheek.

San’s heart skips a beat and he leans in immediately. He’s been so starved of Hongjoong’s touch that his head practically spins.

“Sannie?” Hongjoong whispers and San looks up at him, making Hongjoong smile softly.

Hongjoong forgets what he was going to say but suddenly he’s pressing his lips against San’s.

San’s eyes widen but slowly fluttering shut and allowing himself to kiss back.

Everything in his head was screaming at him to stop. If Seonghwa found out, San would be six feet under. But, San wanted this. He needed this.

Hongjoong presses his body against San’s and the younger whimpers, wrapping his arms around Hongjoong.

Hongjoong bites on San’s bottom lip and it draws another whimper as his tongue slides in.

San’s head was spinning. Was this real? Was this happening.

He feels Hongjoong’s hands running all over him as he pulls away. “Is this okay?” Hongjoong’s hands land on San’s belt and San looks into Hongjoong’s eyes.

His eyes held pure lust and want and San’s face burns red as he chokes out a yes.

The sounds of San’s belt being unbuckled fills both of their ears and San’s eyes land on the ceiling as pleasure takes over his body.

Time seems to just jump ahead and San doesn’t quite now how long and when Hongjoong’s dick had winded up in him but fuck was his body going to remember it in the morning.

Something in San’s head told him he was going to regret this night but until then, he was going to enjoy the feeling of Hongjoong’s body against his.

“O-Oh, h-hyung,” San whimpers by Hongjoong’s ear, short nails dragging down the older’s back as Hongjoong’s pace increases.

“Hyung’s got you, baby. I’m right here,” Hongjoong sits up, pulling San into his lap and into his arms and San immediately sobs, holding onto him.

“I-I’m g-gonna-“ San holds onto him tighter. 

“Fuck, cum with me, baby,” Hongjoong groans and they both orgasm in sync.

Baby.

He called him baby.

Time seems to jump again and he’s in his bedroom. 

“How the fuck...” He sits up immediately and his back and head both throb and he groans, looking at his nightstand, spying a note, glass of water, and medicine.

hey, you fell asleep in one of the guest bedrooms lol  
i ran out to go get breakfast i’ll be back ^^  
mingi :P

San quickly drinks the medicine and water.

He grabs his phone and only sees two texts from Hongjoong and one too many from Wooyoung.

He clicks Wooyoung’s first.

wooyoung: BITCH JONGHO MADE OUT WITH ME  
wooyoung: HES SO FUCKINFKEMSKEMS  
wooyoung: CALL ME SO WE CAN TALK I DIDNT GET TO SEE U AFTER WE MADE OUT CUZ LMAO I COULD NOT LEAVE YHAT MANS SIDE FUCK HES SO PERFECT

San giggles softly, clicking Hongjoong’s message.

hongjoong: stop avoiding me now ;)  
hongjoong: but seriously i hope we can talk more, yeah? i miss you lots. i made sure mingi would give you water and medicine in the morning. also don’t worry, no one knows. sleep well!!

Memories from last night fill his head and he blushes, locking his phone.

He’s glad not to see any messages from Seonghwa and he makes his way into the bathroom, turning on the shower.

A sudden memory from last night takes over his thoughts and San’s heart beats faster.

Hongjoong called San baby.

San can’t even believe he almost forgot that. “Really? Out of all things to forget?” San mumbles to himself as he hops into the shower.

Baby.

Hongjoong called him baby.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days have passed and things were surprisingly getting better.

Seonghwa was leaving San alone besides glares in the hallways. Seonghwa didn’t have much of a job anymore and didn’t have much to torture the boy on.

Little did San know Seonghwa had a plan. 

Seonghwa had decided to “accidentally” kick the younger’s bag during lunch. He knew the bag held San’s lighter and at least two packs of cigarettes.

Seonghwa had this all planned out. He’ll make sure San is right next to Hongjoong and Seonghwa placed right in a strategic area that he’ll have perfect access to kick the bag and Hongjoong will see everything.

Hongjoong will have no choice but to hate San and Seonghwa’s job will come to a close and he’ll be able to focus on getting his happy ending with his love while San is left all alone in the dark.

Seonghwa spends his day stalking San throughout the halls until lunch and he couldn’t wait to execute his plan.

He walks into the room but he sees San already sitting next to Hongjoong. Perfect, he didn’t have to move any one around.

He sits near, making sure to secretly pop open the small lock on San’s bag and he chuckles to himself.

Perfect.

Lunch goes on as it usually would.

“So, Wooyoung~ I heard you and Jongho kissed~” Yeosang hums, looking over at the two who seemed closer than ever.

“Maybe~” They giggle to themselves. “Soo, are you two a thing?”

“I don’t know, are we, hyung?” Jongho teases and Wooyoung laughs, nudging Jongho. “Yes, we are.”

“Awww cute.”

Little laughs and giggles erupt within their table and they all just have a pleasant lunch together.

It’s 10 more minutes before they all part again so Seonghwa gets brave and kicks over the bag. 

A book, pencil case, and phone spill out and Seonghwa almost frowns. Where the hell was the...

He spies it. Just peaking out of the bag and he smirks as Hongjoong gets down to help San and San quickly rushes to put his things in, hoping that Hongjoong wouldn’t find the...

“San, what’s this?” Hongjoong’s hand grabs the box of cigarettes. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Yeosang from the end of the table makes a confused face when he spies Seonghwa’s smirking one.

“U-Um... I-It’s nothing, just something I used for reference during art class. It’s not mine.“ He snatches it but Hongjoong only snatches it back, staring at him.

“San,” He grabs his bag and grabs the lighter too. “Are you smoking?”

Perfect.

Seonghwa could see the anger rising up on Hongjoong’s face and Seonghwa almost reaches for his phone to record the scene.

“H-Hyung...”

“Shut up. Are you kidding?? You know how much I hate this shit!” Hongjoong snaps. “I continuously told you to stay away from this for years and *this* is what you do?? How long.”

San doesn’t answer.

“Answer me, goddamnit or you better hope the Gods look away,” San flinches.

“M-Maybe two months or so...”

“And how many a day?”

“A l-little less than a full pack...” San’s eyes water up and the rest of the lunch room is quiet, watching.

Hongjoong scoffs, glaring at San. “I’m not gonna be friends with a smoker, fuck no. You fucking disgust me, I-I can’t even believe I let you touch me, let alone kiss me!”

The shame and disappointment San was feeling was replaced by fear and a lot of it. He can see Seonghwa’s eyes widen out of the corner of his eye.

Fuck, this time around gonna be worse...

“Hongjoong,” Jongho mumbles, trying to get the older to calm down. “Please relax, you saying this is not going to make this better.”

“Oh, fuck that shit. Fuck you San, you promised you would never even do that shit,” Hongjoong throws the box and lighter at San’s chest and it falls into his lap with a whimper.

“Go,” Hongjoong growls and San looks up at him, tears falling down freely. “W-What?”

“Go. You’re not going to be sitting here anymore. Go,” He snaps his fingers and points to the door.

San lets the items fall into his bag and leaves, head hung in shame.

He doesn’t even have the energy levels to stay in the building so he just heads home and on the way, he cries.

He’s never cried so hard in his life. Hongjoong wasn’t ever gonna forgive him for this one and it wasn’t even his fault.

Every bad thing that happens to San always lead back to Seonghwa. Seonghwa really was bad luck that you couldn’t get rid of.

All San could do is hope and pray that someone... that someone out there would explain to Hongjoong. 

Somehow San made it onto his bed, body shaking with every sob. How could San let it get this far? 

His phone buzzes. Buzzes again. And again.

He wipes his eyes, grabbing it slowly and unlocking it.

It’s Seonghwa.

seonghwa: you slept with hongjoong?   
seonghwa: why don’t you listen to me?   
seonghwa: i didn’t know hongjoong was going to lash out like that and i’m sorry.  
seonghwa: but what has to be done has to be done.  
seonghwa: i want you at the park at 4:30.  
seonghwa: i’ll be waiting.

His tears fall onto the screen.

San’s getting what he deserves once and for all.

He stumbles to the bathroom and looks in the mirror.

San did so well. He had listened to his grandmother’s warnings all those years ago. 

He never confessed. How could he have been so stupid to let Seonghwa catch his glances to Hongjoong. How could he have been so stupid to let Seonghwa destroy him the way he did.

San could barely recognize himself in the mirror. 

His phone buzzes again.

He grunts and unlocks it.

mingi: you slept with hongjoong hyung?   
mingi: you like him?   
mingi: don’t we have something? what about us? you know i like you san, how could you do this to me? 

He stares at the texts. Mingi’s right. 

mingi: so you’re just gonna leave me on read?  
mingi: whatever. glad hongjoong said what we were all thinking. stay away from me.

San would definitely cry again but he couldn’t find the energy to. 

Again. His phone buzzes.

wooyoung: hey sannie, i hope you’re doing alright:/ you weren’t in science and i missed you:(( can i come over after i have dinner? we haven’t hung out in a while and i miss my bestie:((

Wooyoung’s texts make San’s lips twitch into a small smile.

san: yeah sure  
wooyoung: i’ll bring snacks and movies?  
san: of course i’ll leave the door unlocked for you  
wooyoung: YAY!! okie i’ll see u then mwah <3

San giggles as a call comes in and it makes him jump a little. It’s Jongho. 

Seems like everyone wants to contact San today.

“Hello?” San clears his throat. “Hey hyung. How are you doing?”

“Seen better days,” San chuckles, “I’m sure. Look, today caused some divide in our group and you’re gonna notice it, or maybe have already started to.”

“Yeah, it seems like Hongjoong, Mingi and Seonghwa are on the side of me being a monster,” San sighs and Jongho sighs too.

“While ‘teams’ are unnecessary, I’m with you, Sannie. I promise I’ll do my best to help, you don’t deserve this at all. This thing with Seonghwa goes deeper than you- Well, really, Yunho- let us in on. You need to open up sooner or later or this is going to get worse.”

“I’ll try my best to when I’m ready. There’s a lot...” 

“And I and or Wooyoung will be ready to listen. Okay? Get some rest, hyung. You need it.”

“I will, Jongho. Thank you, I needed that.”

“Anytime. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Talk to you later.”

San hangs up. There had been no mention of Yeosang or Yunho. Maybe they’re undecided.

The thought of Yunho choosing the others made San laugh. Jeong Yunho? The guy who’s been worried sick about San since this started? No way.

Yeosang on the otherhand? He could imagine Yeosang listening to what each side had to say and right now, San obviously wasn’t the best side to be on due to lack of information.

San glances at the time. 4:25.

He washes his face and heads out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?  
> things are gonna start looking up again soon


End file.
